eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Randomize
