so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
