Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
