Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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