obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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