It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
