i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
