I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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