It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
