Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
