Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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