So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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