Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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