bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
