just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Bang-toberfest begins!!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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