So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize