I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
