just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
