On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
