Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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