I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
