Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
