If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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