is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
