At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
