My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
