my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
