She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
