margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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