so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
