Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
