Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
