Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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