we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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