sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
