im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
