there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he fucked my hip out of place.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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