was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
