Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
