I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Randomize
