i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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