no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
