I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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