You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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