dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
