my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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