she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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