Nicole vs. Life
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
