i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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