Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize