Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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