For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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