He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Found your dick twin last night
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
