You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
