How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
