My hand turned me down
He had one of those small greek statue penises
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
