all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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