Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
