need another drink. this is the easiest way
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
