It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
