I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
