Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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