You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
