I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
