So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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