I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
