We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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