god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
