Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
