things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
