u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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