It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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