so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
