Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So many bounce houses so little time
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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