Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
false alarm, still single
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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