This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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